An Ode to Facebook

Dear Facebook,
This is a gentle reminder of what joy you bring to the lives of many. However, one of the other things you do that shouldn't be ignored is the definite creeper aspect. Not only do you allow others access into my wonderful world, but through the whole "People You May Know" deal, I've achieved new creeper status that makes even me feel uncomfortable. Allow me to elaborate. While at the gym today, I was on the treadmill and there was a guy 2 treadmills away (treadmills as a unit of distance? yeah, that's not a thing...) and he looked vaguely familiar. I kept trying to figure out where I recognized him from until I realized, yeah, it's thanks to the "People You May Know" thing on Facebook. Even though it's not my fault that I've got thoroughly impressive investigative skills that would put the likes of Veronica Mars to shame, I still felt a little part of me die inside. It is for this reason that I request either one of the two options a) Remove the "People You May Know" thing or b) and the more likely one... get me a life. I probably spend way too much on Facebook anyways. Until one of the two happens, consider us on a "break" (don't worry, it probably won't take). Until then, hope all is well with you.
Sincerely,
Calhoun