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Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Alarmingly Appropriate Move Titles

In one of my moments of extreme boredom, I was browsing Netflix. I was looking at movies that I'd recently returned ands they have that whole thing where it's like "If you liked this movie, you may like..." Now I will admit in a moment of weakness I had orered the remake of Prom Night on Netflix. I figured "eh, Brittany Snow's cool, what have I got to lose?" The answer is clearly an hour and a half of my life and what self respect remained. Regardless, I was looking at what movies they thought I might like and I came across a little gem called Single White Female 2. Haven't heard of it? Surprise, surprise. It's one of those sequels to a successful movie like 10 or 15 years after the fact. Trying to capitalize on the success of Single White Female may have sounded like a genius idea to the folks at Third Street Pictures, but something seems to be lacking. Well, that's what I used to think until I saw the full title of the film. Single White Female 2: The Psycho. Now I don't know if you've ever seen the first Single White Female and I hate to ruin it, but the whole premise is that the bitch is psycho. We're talkin' about ape shit insane type psycho so one can't help but wonder, who is the addition of a number and a little clarification preceded by a semi-colon gonna get a new audience to watch the movie. However, the fact can't be ignored that movie studios know what they're doing. There's gotta be a market for dumb ass movies that are given dumb ass titles that spell out the film for you. So this is a post for all lovers of the Single White Female 2's of the World... take up knitting or at least something mildly productive.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

An Adjustment to Apartment Life

I type this to you by the light of my laptop (or rather my roommate's laptop). Why, you may ask, am I typing only using the light of a laptop? It might have something to do with the lack of overhead lights in my new apartment. Now, mind you, the Western wall is essentially entirely a window so I get plenty of light in the morning, however, if you'll look at the timestamp you'll see that I'm typing this out of sheer boredom going on the 10 o'clock hour. If I had dignity to spare perhaps I'd type this using the light that I have for my closet, but considering that I'd hafta sit in my closet to do that, I think I'll just hold out. Regardless, it strikes me as a little ridiculous that living in this modern apartment that I'm in with no overhead lighting. It just makes me wonder... when did overhead lights become superfluous and where the hell was I? Mind you, before I began typing I seriously considered typing in the closet...
What's more mind blowing is that I'm not the only person plagued by this problem. I don't just mean the other people in my building, but a couple friends of mine who are leasing a townhouse for the year have absolutely no overhead lights in their bedrooms. It's just kinda weird to me, I guess, probably because the move is still pretty new so I haven't had time to go out and buy a floor lamp, but perhaps even more bizarre is what these apartments DO have. Take the oven for instance, complete with 5 stove top burners (because 4 is evidently so passe) and a warming drawer. What, you might ask, is a warming drawer? I honestly couldn't tell you. It sounds self explanatory but I'm convinced there's something more to it. I tried to use it and it just started beeping really angrily at me... I've since decided to give up modern living if it's gonna take that tone with me. But, then again, I don't know what I was expecting considering I still don't how to use the broiler. It's not so much that I don't know HOW it's more I don't know why I would. In my 21 years of existence I've yet to come across something that I needed to broil. I mean, I've been given the option to broil certain foods, but I'm a purist so I like to stick with what I know (stove, microwave, or if I'm feeling ballsy I'll use the oven).
As if the equipment that the apartment comes with standard isns't it enough, my roommate brought her own little arsenal of kitchen equipment. I mean, that's cool and all, I like having pans to cook with as much as the next dude, but there are just some things that seem a little ridiculous to me. For instance, how many varieties of spatulas does one apartment need? I may not be the best source to ask considering for most of my life if I had to flip something as I cooked it, I'd just do it by hand and hope that the grease burns didn't hurt too bad... I respect the fact that she cooks and she likes to have the necessary utensils to do so, but it's bad when you walk into the kitchen and start thinking about breathing into a paper bag because, yeah, it's THAT overwhelming. Then again, it's whatever. We all have our own little idiosyncrasies... some are just a little more daunting than others it would seem.
I mean, I understand that moving into any new place is gonna be an adjustment, and I'm cool with that. I'm sure it'll start to feel homier when I actually have a bed or even lighting to read by at night...