Facebook Ads Keep Taunting Me!

Dear Facebook,
I understand the basic principles of economics, don't get me wrong. I get where you have to sell things on the margins of Facebook in order to stay afloat, but can we just take a minute to look at some of the stuff that's being peddled? In a world that has young clear-skinned starlets selling a thousand and one solutions to all your blemish problems, it's sort of hard to feel good about one's self. Now, just for a moment, imagine you're on your Facebook writing to a friend that you haven't seen a while and out of the corner of your eye, you see an ad. Not just any old ad, but an ad entitled "Free Chicago Area STD Testing". Sure, the young man in the ad is handsome and smiling, but let's be real, no one's smiling back at syphilis guy. That's just the facts. That man will forever be known as "STD guy". Now, I understand no harm was meant by the ad, but we all know that these ads are tailored to specific areas of interests... so what did I do or say to indicate I was interested in STDs or STD testing? I'm not being accusatory, it's just, is that what people think of when they look at me? Man, I hope not. I mean, committed relationship comin' up on 8 months now and I'm still getting skank junk mail? Something has got to change. Can't we go back to the days when my ads were more along the lines of "Ran a marathon? Share you story!" Those were the days, I was at the top of my game, but now, evidently, I'm slummin' it down here in the internet equivalent of an AIDS clinic. Oh well... at least I tried.
Sincerely,
Calhoun

Ford's Character Study of A Single Man

At the heart of A Single Man, fashion designer Tom Ford's directorial debut, is a celebration. It is a celebration of life and unabashed sexuality. While most reviews of this film categorize the film as "a day in the life of a man after his partner dies", they neglect to tell viewers that the story takes place roughly 8 months after his "partner's" death. While there is a fair amount of heavy material presented in the film, it does not lose sight of its celebration of the life that these two men had together as George, played by a devastatingly beautiful Colin Firth, tries to find a reason to continue living.
Another issue that I took with people's descriptions of the film is the use of the word "partner". I know, I know, it makes Middle America uncomfortable when you start talking about the homos, but it does such a disservice to the story to refer to Jim, George's lover, as his partner. It's true that they are also partners having been in a monogamous relationship for 16 years, but the movie focuses just as much on their relationship as it does their love. Unfortunately, there's little I can do about that as that's an American neurosis projected on to the film, but let me do what any responsible writer would do and clear it up for readers. George and Jim are lovers first and foremost. Tom Ford does an incredible job of showing his audience that without any hardcore, in-your-face content. All the audience needs is right there in tender displays of affection, like the gentle kiss on the forehead.
However, Tom Ford has the advantage that most Hollywood directors do not in this situation and that is, his relationship with Hollywood. He will always be a fashion designer first and foremost and so when watching A Single Man, you can't help but feel that Tom Ford is unapologetic. He isn't caught up in the fear that he'll never work in Hollywood again for doing his take on a celebration of life, love, and the male form. As a fan of A Single Man, I can safely say that I hope he does work in Hollywood again, but who knows as to that? When thinking of this one can't help but think of 2005's Brokeback Mountain which, thanks to its stars, got people noticing homosexuality in the movies. However, what never took with Brokeback Mountain is the fear of admitting these characters were gay. they spent the whole movie fighting it. A Single Man never has a moment's doubt. It presents its audience with a lover's kiss between two men in the first shot. This is the celebration of sexuality so many gay men had hoped Brokeback Mountain would be. Although it arrived about 4 years later, it is a welcome change of pace.
In closing, it is Ford's frank displays combined with brilliant performances from most of the cast that make this film so notable as a celebration of life rather than the bleak portrayal of loss it is frequently seen as. While it does deal with themes of loss and regret, ultimately, it celebrates the life that these two men shared together.

Why I'm Still Up in the Air about Up in the Air

Jason Reitman, director of 2007's "indie" hit Juno, is at it again. Up in the Air follows an executive, Ryan Bingham played by George Clooney, whose job it is to fly around the country and fire people. The perverse, but supposedly "quirky" part is that Ryan seems to get off on it. The whole film follows him as he performs mass firings around the country. Thst is, until, his way of life is threatened. A young career woman Natalie Keener, beautifully portrayed by Anna Kendrick, threatens his way of life "grounding" him and forcing him to live in one place. Throughout the entire movie Clooney's character is the perfect example of the Peter Pan complex, never wanting to grow old, but he has little more depth than that. Then, of course in the third act, he magically changes. He wants to finally settle down, but of course, nothing goes as planned there. Truth be told, I couldn't help but sort of be glad he didn't get all that he wanted. He'd spent about 90 minutes of my life being an unlikeable and unapologetic character so I would've been furious for him to receive his happy ending. It was a perfect illustration of "too little, too late". However, Clooney's character is surprisingly the one that I have less of a problem with. Natalie Keener and Alex Goran, played by Vera Farmiga, are the two female leads in the movie. Although Natalie has her annoying traits, she is overwhelmingly charming. She has some bad ideas about success and about relationships, but the audience forgives her. She's young and she's new to this, hell, she's practically still a kid. Alex is a different story. She is essentially the female version of George Clooney's Ryan Bingham. For this reason, Ryan and Alex function well together as they schedule sex dates and nothing more.
SPOILER ALERT.
So when Natalie quits because she realizes she doesn't have the stomach for the job, I was slightly relieved. Then they add one line of dialogue that completely destroyed it for me. "Text message." It's supposed to be a throwback to when her boyfriend dumped her via text message, but it doesn't come off as quirky or endearing. Instead, that simple line strips her of her dignity. It shows her as weak for not being able to do the job and quitting via text message, rather than being human. Alex even undergoes a similar transformation from strong female to less than. Of course, after Ryan's undergone his magical transformation where he realizes he has to grow up, he hops a flight to Alex's house where he discovers that she has a family and a life. Of course, she can't be a strong, independent woman who has casual sex with strangers like Ryan does. It feels like she's being punished for having an actual sexual appetite. So, yes, it's true that Ryan doesn't get all that he wanted, but it's at the expense of these women. With Natlaie quitting, he gets to keep his way of life. With Alex, reducing him to a sex object, he is free of his fear of commitment. All in all, the movie has interesting parts to it and some endearing characters (at least for most of the movie), but in the end it's almost a masturbatory worship of the middle-aged man-child. END OF SPOILER.

New Year's Resolution

As every new year begins (and we love to pretend it’s actually gonna be different) we all make promises to ourselves. We tell each other the things we hate about ourselves and the things we wish to change, but let’s keep it real, alright? Maybe this new year’s resolution could be to be a little more realistic? Nah, that’s a stupid one anyway. It’s been mine to be more consistent with writing. As a freshly graduated film kid (aka professionally unemployable) I owe it to myself to write more than I have been when school was in full swing. That being said, let’s hope I actually stick with this resolution this time…

Horses on the Planet of the Apes? Not Cool Man, Not Cool

Not much is expected to make a whole lotta sense in a world where Charleton Heston is supposed to be representative of the human race... still, a form of, what I'll generously call logic, feels like it dictates the ape society. They have a functioning, albeit slightly skewed, set of laws, indicating that there's a clear set of actions and consequences. However, Charleton Heston is persecuted for... I don't know what the legal term for it is, but basically being a douche and not hairy. Fast forward to the end of the movie when Charleton heston is escaping and he's runnin' on the beach or whatever, with the humanoid apes in tow. How do they catch up to him so fast? They ride horses... I'm sorry, but does nobody else find this weird that the apes in Planet of the Apes ride horses? I mean, don't get me wrong, I go to film school so I understand "suspension of disbelief" which is a pretty crucial concept in watching a movie where apes rule the world, but still, I mean, apes are heavy motherfuckers. I'm no equestrian, but I don't think horses can even carry that much weight directly on their backs... The weight issue aside, it just seems kinda douche-y that apes are making horses their bitches. I mean, apes have been oppressed before so they should understand where the horse is coming from. A little solidarity between apes and their horse brethren doesn't seem like it's too much to ask, but evidently the apes just aren't havin' it. Whatever, apes are douche bags.
PS I'm aware this is less than eloquent...
PPS Charleton Heston is also a douche

An Ode to Facebook

Dear Facebook,
This is a gentle reminder of what joy you bring to the lives of many. However, one of the other things you do that shouldn't be ignored is the definite creeper aspect. Not only do you allow others access into my wonderful world, but through the whole "People You May Know" deal, I've achieved new creeper status that makes even me feel uncomfortable. Allow me to elaborate. While at the gym today, I was on the treadmill and there was a guy 2 treadmills away (treadmills as a unit of distance? yeah, that's not a thing...) and he looked vaguely familiar. I kept trying to figure out where I recognized him from until I realized, yeah, it's thanks to the "People You May Know" thing on Facebook. Even though it's not my fault that I've got thoroughly impressive investigative skills that would put the likes of Veronica Mars to shame, I still felt a little part of me die inside. It is for this reason that I request either one of the two options a) Remove the "People You May Know" thing or b) and the more likely one... get me a life. I probably spend way too much on Facebook anyways. Until one of the two happens, consider us on a "break" (don't worry, it probably won't take). Until then, hope all is well with you.
Sincerely,
Calhoun

The Problem with Planes and the Politics of the Nervous Flier

I'll be the first to admit that I'm a nervous flier. I don't really think somebody's gonna bomb the plane or we're gonna do a nosedive into the nearest body of water, but I lose sight of my rationality once I get past the creepy security guard with the lisp or the giantess female security guard with the slightly hairy upper lip. Admit it, the people at the airport, particularly O'Hare aren't the friendliest or the most appealing lot. But even when I get past that, a strange fear has already taken ahold of me. As I get to the boarding gate, I survey the people around me. I take in the sights, before sitting in a corner by myself and resigning myself to my laptop. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-social (well, maybe I am, but at least not all the time) but there's something different about personal interaction in an airport. It seems so forced and unpleasant. Everyone's on edge, I know I can't be the only one.
By the time boarding has begun, I've successfully shut out everyone around me. Nothing like being crammed into a plane to remind you how tranquility can be so easily shattered. The sounds of mothers scolding their children, and babies crying, all while the flight attendants encourage all patrons to store their carry-ons in the overhead compartments or under the seats in front of them... there's only so loud that an iPod can go...
Easily the most nerve wracking part of the voyage is counting the seats as they go back. As the seats go further and further back I hope to God that the person that I think is sitting next to me is just in the wrong seat. Now, I know this may make me sound like a terrible person, but I prefer to say I'm "particular" because it makes it sound a helluva lot nicer than what it is. There are a variety of people that I could end up being sat next to, but there are only a couple that I dread more than others.
First and probably most obnoxious is the talker. There's always the polite introductions and obligatory discussion about the weather or where the other party is headed to, but then, by the time you take off and you're allowed to use your iPod, you're stuck in a forced conversation. Conversation lags and is entirely and awkwardly silent at some parts, but still, there's this need to revitalize the conversation by any means possible. Frequently, this is managed by pictures of children and grandchildren and the occasional anecdote about their various successes. Not to be rude, but I don't care if little Susie said the cutest thing the other day. Tell it Kids Say the Darnedest Things or at least someone who can feign interest, but these stories are often interrupted by yawns on my part and the overwhelming urge to fall asleep mid-sentence. However, I have one advantage being a 21 year old traveler. I never thought I'd say it, but I have school on my side. As soon as the other party expresses an interest in having a conversation, I pull out the heaviest textbook I have and claim that I have a lot of reading to do for class. Whether I actually read or not is irrelevant, but it's all in how you sell the lie, which is why I either recommend the heaviest of the one with the most complex title.
To be continued...